How To Handle A Cheating Girlfriend

Not all girls cheat, but unfortunately some do. If your girl cheats on you and you find out, there are several things that you can do about it. Some choices may be good for you, some will really stink, but cheating is never an easy thing to handle. It is painful and damages your trust as well as your pride and self confidence. You can deal with it and you will survive even though you might feel like you won't at times. Just take your time to decide what you are going to do and where you will take the relationship next. As I said, you have a few options.

Ignore It

It may seem easy to just ignore it and hope that it will go away, but think about that before you go that route. If you ignore it, that means that you either don't even talk about it with your girlfriend or you actually catch her and just play the "la la la, it will go away" method. Beware of this, though, while it may be easy because you don't have to deal with anything or dredge up the painful feelings, nothing is ever resolved either. The bitterness and resentment from the betrayal will fester and grow and can affect every aspect of your relationship, cause you to experience depression and is likely to make it difficult for you to get along with or even be with that person and be happy.

Ditch Her

This is often the knee-jerk reaction when someone is betrayed. The first thing that a person often does is tell the other person to get away, to leave and that it is over. This is the other extreme of ignoring it and can be just as unproductive. When you first learn that you have been betrayed you may want to strike out, but opt for taking a break from the relationship instead. If you fly into a fury and send her away immediately, you may have second thoughts later and call her back and this can lead to the "ignore it" method. You may ping pong like this for a while until one of you finally blows and an even more painful altercation and eventual break up may ensue.

Stay with her but Make her Miserable

This may be, initially, the most satisfying method of dealing with the unfaithfulness. However, that satisfaction is often not real and short lived. True, you could stay with her and remind her of what she did every day of her life. You could guilt her into doing things for you, staying with you regardless of how miserable she is and being whatever you want her to be, but that can backfire. As the resentment grows - on both sides - she feels mistreated and abused while you never resolve what happened and fall deeper into your manipulation of her. Again, the resentment and anger bubbles just below the surface and one day it will blow. The results could be disastrous.

Work it Out

This is the most difficult and requires the most commitment, but it can also be the most rewarding. Take a break from each other; seek counseling both individually and as a couple and take time to feel the pain. Experience the pain and work through it. There is an old saying that once someone cheats they will cheat again. This is not necessarily true. Some people have an affair, work things out with their partner and never have another affair. Other people have an affair, work things out, have another affair and keep on until they have left their relationship and their partner in a shambles. Only you can decide if the relationship and your girlfriend are worth fighting for and worth saving.

Article Source: http://www.ArticleStreet.com/

The Infidelity Epidemic… Are Good Women Causing Their Men to Cheat?

Straying husbands. Bed-bouncing boyfriends. Broken trust. Getting caught. Trying NOT to get caught.

What’s causing all this hanky-panky? And who’s mostly to blame for today’s outbreak of cheating? Is it philandering men? The other women? OR the wives and girlfriends who unknowingly compel their mates to cheat?

In today’s bedroom annals, it’s not exactly what you might think. Even the recent much-talked-about hit movie Sex and the City brought to light new insights into how some women are unknowingly setting their men up to cheat. Yet one wonders why those same unsuspecting women are devastated and “mad as hell” when they find out that their men have been to bed with other women.

But does cheating seem to naturally happen when an uninterested gal doesn’t give her man enough sexual satisfaction? Exactly what changes in the relationship and the bedroom, turning things from honeymoon happiness to hearing that dreaded “Not tonight, I have a headache” mantra?

The truth is, when unfaithfulness occurs there is enough blame on both sides of the bed. A woman who’s lukewarm under the sheets, or downright disinterested and dismissive, can’t deny that much of her bedroom behaviors could be driving an otherwise loving husband into somebody’s else arms. Maybe even permanently!

Wake up girls! Watch what’s starting the cheating process.

First of all, most men really don’t understand much about the women in their beds. Interviews across the country have revealed that many women are sexually unfulfilled, frustrated, and confused … not by men, but by their own lack of understanding about their own bodies.

Sadly, most of us learned about sex in the 7th grade locker room from our best friends, or, of course, in those sex ed classes where adults filled us with fear that having sex either led to getting a baby or getting a disease. The message either way: You just weren’t supposed to do it!

We were certainly never taught much about the intricacies of our own bodies. We were never taught about finding pleasure or sexual satisfaction. There was certainly no talk about proper body parts. Boys, we learned, had penises and girls had vaginas. As if that was the end of it. The assumption was that we were supposed to figure it out once we were married or at least in a committed relationship. Well, sadly enough, many women never did figure “it” out. And as a result, many are missing out on the wonders of great sex and may be inadvertently causing much of the sexual dissatisfaction and male/female communication problems going on out there.

This lack of understanding of their own bodies has led many women to short-changing themselves in the sexual department. While women initially may have been willing sex partners with their mates, if they didn’t know how to achieve their own satisfaction, much less explain their needs to their partner, the end result could be one happy man (who blissfully falls asleep right afterwards) and one less-than-smiling (and disillusioned) woman.

Unfortunately, as Meg Ryan so aptly showed us years ago in When Harry Met Sally, a good woman can fake her satisfaction well enough to leave any man thinking he’s a stud and believing that she’ll be excited about a repeat performance -- when in fact many women just can’t wait for lovemaking to be over.

These women naturally pull away from their men. Who wants night after night of disappointment and play-acting? And whether the disappointment is subtle or obvious, the men notice. And then THEY pull away from their women.

Of course for women who used sex as a means to capture a man, then once hooked, turn cold in the sex department, they only have themselves to blame if their men quit being interested and end up coming home late more and more often, probably finding comfort elsewhere.

But we have to ask: Are men at all responsible in this complex puzzle?

Here are some interesting points:

* The biggest thing that men do wrong is to assume they understand women. The truth is, even if a man has a fabulous sexual relationship with one gal, the next one can be so very different that all bets are off that her needs will even remotely be the same.

* The differences between women are huge. And assuming that they are all alike can be the kiss of death -- even for a well-intentioned guy who has put some time into studying the fairer sex.

* Both men and women need a re-education about sex, and should spend time learning about each others’ anatomy, desires, fantasies, sensations, and the intricacies of what makes each of us tick.

* Porn sites and sex films (which are mostly written and directed by men) do NOT educate anyone accurately. They’re the basis of some of our biggest and most harmful sex myths.

* Research shows that guys think about sex in some fashion about every 52 seconds. Women do so about once a day. Another difference between the genders!

* Men want to feel validated as men, and sex helps them do that. Women want to feel loved and needed and cherished. And -- surprise! -- lovemaking helps them feel that.

* When things get out of whack in the bedroom, it definitely spills over into the rest of the relationship.

* Not every couple needs a sex therapist. But every man and woman needs to take steps towards better understanding about the opposite sex and themselves.

* Until women do a better job of understanding their own bodies, communicating their needs to their lovers, and embracing the fact that sex is a fabulous gift that we as humans are blessed with -- and NOT a chore -- our bedroom issues will only continue. And so will cheating, divorce, and heartache.

Authors : Mary Jo Fay, R.N., M.S.N.

http://www.isnare.com/?aid=341152&ca=Cheating

Infidelity in Relationships: What to Do if in the Case of an Affair

If your relationship has recently suffered an infidelity, either by you or your spouse/partner, you are currently facing a lot of questions – and likely also a lot of pain. That’s because, whether you are the cheater or the one being cheated on, infidelity in relationships is a sign that the relationship is facing some serious problems.

One day soon, both you and your partner will have to face the issues in your relationship. It is not healthy or advisable to continue an affair for a prolonged period of time. Here is what to do in the case of an affair in your relationship:

1. Before you confront your spouse or partner, get in touch with your own thoughts and feelings first:

If either you or your partner are having an affair, this fact undoubtedly will have a strong affect on how you view your whole relationship. An affair is a sign that there is something very serious going on underneath the surface of things. Whether you want to admit it or not, you are going to need to start the healing process by focusing intently on what it is you are personally going through. If you are the one being unfaithful, you are likely going through some guilt about what you are doing. If you are the one being cheated on, you are probably feeling a lot of anger and resentment, or even sadness. Either way, the first step out of this mess is to come to honest terms with yourself: ask your heart what you really feel and then listen intently to the response.

2. Decide how “deep” you are into it:

Next, do a little bit of fact finding. Determine how long the affair has been going on. Has there been more than one affair? How serious are the feelings for the other lover? Besides the affair, what other parts of your lives are you and your spouse lying to each other about? Finally, rate your situation in terms of how bad things are: with 1 being “we can get through this with a little bit of effort” and 10 being “our relationship is past the point of no return.”

3. Decide how much you want to fix your relationship:

Now that you have really come to terms with where things are, it is time to ask yourself what you are going to do about it. Is your relationship worth saving? Do you still have the love for your partner or spouse that you had when things were at their best - and before the affair started? You need to face the hard questions about where you next steps will lead. This will basically boil down to two choices: toward a wonderful, loving and trusting reunion with your partner or toward a breakup. Even though you are confused right now about what to do, the faster you can determine where things are going the easier your next steps will be to take.

4. Have a heart-to-heart with your partner:

It is time now to have “the talk” with your partner or spouse. Unless you fear that they will become violent or suicidal upon mention of the affair (in which case you should seek professional help first), it is ultimately to everyone’s benefit that you confront him or her directly about the situation. Only by opening up to each other can you really bring the truth to light and get on with healing your hearts.

5. Commit to improving your relationship:

If you do choose to move toward reconciliation with your partner or spouse (see #3), you need to commit at a deep level to improving your relationship. This will mean taking the steps to make things right again. Educate yourself on the techniques, tips and tools that can help you take all of the right steps back toward love.

Infidelity in relationships can be enough to kill the love and trust that the members of a couple feel for each other. Do both of you a favor and make every effort possible to make things better again.

Authors : Susan Willis

http://www.isnare.com/?aid=345447&ca=Cheating

Extramarital Affair FAQ

On any given day, thousands of people around the world are involved in an extramarital affair. In fact, may find that right now your own relationship is in the midst of an affair. Or, maybe one of you is considering having an affair.

To the person who is having an affair or considering one, the idea of an affair can at first sound like an exciting alternative to business as usual in what has become an uneventful marriage. After all, the opportunity to be with someone totally new and exciting can be hard to pass up, especially if you are not happy with your current relationship.

To answer some common questions about affairs, here is an extramarital affair FAQ:

Q1: Is it illegal to have an affair if you are married?

A: In most parts of the Western world, you cannot actually go to jail or be fined for cheating on your spouse. Still, having an affair can have serious legal and personal consequences for you. For example, in many places, having had an affair that leads to a divorce can lead to a greatly-reduced set of rights for the one who did the cheating. In other words: if you cheat, you do not have much of a leg to stand on when it comes to the lawyers fighting it out to see who gets which possessions. Bottom line is, by being caught cheating you give up many of your legal rights in the event of a divorce.

Q2: Is it safe to have an affair?

A: Having an affair can generally be a safe thing – if you do not get caught and if you practice safe sex, that is. However, if you do not practice safe sex or if you get caught cheating, your affair can be anything but safe. By having an affair you are definitely opening yourself up to some serious risks. These risks include: the spreading of sexual diseases to yourself or your spouse, facing the rage of a jealous lover (think “Fatal Attraction”) or dealing with the wrath of a jilted spouse. Of course, being caught cheating can also lead to divorce, which can result in loss of the companionship of your spouse, the loss of many of your material possessions, and even loss of the right to live with your children. Ouch – not sounding so safe now, is it?

Q3: How do I stop my affair?

A: If you are currently having an affair, you need to start by deciding what it is you really want out of life. Do you want your spouse, your lover, or neither? After all, your affair may be thrilling at times. Or, maybe for you, just thinking about what you are doing to your spouse is tearing you apart inside. Either way, you know that you cannot sustain your affair forever. The sooner you face facts and decide what your next move should be, the better off everyone involved will be.

Q4: What do I do if my spouse is having an affair?

A: Sooner or later, you will need to confront your spouse about the affair. But, before you do that, think hard about how you want things to end up. Do you want to stay with your spouse or call it quits? Decide which way you want things to go before you bring up the affair. Another tip: when you confront your spouse, bring with you some irrefutable evidence you have found that proves the affair. Otherwise, if you merely accuse them of having an affair without proof, they will likely try to deny it, which of course will be adding insult to injury for both of you.

Q5: How can I keep myself or my spouse from having an affair?

A: If your spouse has a wandering eye or if you think they have their sights set on having an affair with someone else, the best remedy is to make yourself the center of their world again. You need to basically insert yourself in there so there is no space for anyone else. Do this in an assertive but loving way. Also, be tactful: if your spouse pulls back at the sign of your wanting to spend more time with them, it could be a sign that they are not happy in the relationship.

If either you or your spouse is currently involved in an affair or is considering one, it obviously means that your relationship is in trouble. While an affair might appear to be a convenient short-term solution to your problems, the smartest bet is to find ways to mend your marriage and get back into a loving relationship again.

Authors : Marie-Claire Smith

http://www.isnare.com/?aid=345446&ca=Cheating